Money issues may seem trivial when you first start dating, but they become more pressing when you decide to move in together, share costs, and start living together. A survey by Royal London found that money was the most common source of arguments between couples, accounting for 62 per cent.
But are financial issues in a marriage or long-term relationship really that important? What are some healthy ways to deal with this? Let’s explore that.
Financial status in marriage or relationship and its impact
It’s important to keep in mind that financial compatibility issues can arise at any time in a relationship, even early in the relationship. When one of you can afford to go on a more lavish or expensive weekend date, this can create tension, especially if one partner is always making up the shortfall and shouldering the financial burden. This can cause a negative shift in your relationship power dynamics and affect the self-worth of some of them, which can be difficult to reconcile.
Money in a relationship and how much you can contribute together can also have a significant impact on your future plans together. For example, one of you may be planning to buy a house in the future, have several children, and build a comfortable home for retirement, and your current shared financial commitments in your marriage may make those goals more difficult to achieve. When you struggle to align goals with reality, this can cause tension in the relationship.
However, financial compatibility doesn’t always refer to similar financial situations or similar earning potential, it also refers to how you treat money in your relationship. If one spouse is more focused on instant gratification and impulse purchases when dealing with finances, while the other is determined to save and invest for a shared future, it can create a lot of discord and resentment, especially later on. A healthy relationship is both an emotional and a financial investment, and when one partner doesn’t take their share of the responsibility, it can be the root cause of a breakup.
How to Talk about Money in a relationship
There are many healthy ways to deal with and solve a couple’s financial problems. Communication is key to addressing these issues, so let’s take a look at some healthy ways to talk about money in a marriage or developing relationship.
Be transparent about your finances in a marriage or relationship
Insecurities in relationships often cause us to fudge our financial situation to promote ourselves. But when your lives begin to merge, honesty is not only the best policy, it’s the only policy. So be upfront about your income, your expenses, and most importantly, your existing debt.
Create a spending and savings plan together
Sometimes you just need to recognize that one of you is more responsible in the relationship and ask them to help. Finances in a marriage or long-term relationship are about achieving shared goals, so while you don’t have to give up your entire income, you should agree on how to contribute to a joint savings plan and avoid unnecessary expenses.
Discuss the future you envision together
Be clear about what you want to achieve together and the life you envision. How many savings and financing options are needed to realize these dreams? Can you actually achieve them? If not, you need to adjust or come up with viable ways to grow your finances and career to achieve those goals.
Money can be an uncomfortable topic in a relationship, so try to remain calm and understanding
Talking about finances can be a difficult subject to discuss when a couple’s wealth is unbalanced or when one partner is spending lavishly. People get defensive when it comes to money, so it’s important to start the conversation in a calm, friendly environment and hear their perspective on the situation.
Be firm in your opinions
It’s important to be flexible and understanding when talking about joint finances in a marriage or relationship, but remember that you’re bringing up the topic for a reason, too. Don’t ignore the heart of the financial problem you’re trying to solve for the sake of harmony. The longer you let it ferment, the deeper the problem becomes.
Make talking about money casual and routine
A very important component of a healthy relationship is taking a rational look at money in the relationship. So instead of making money a topic of debate or an issue of your status that is long overdue, talk openly and regularly about your financial situation. This will make it a more common and comfortable feature of your interactions.
