Whether it’s a few days or months you’ve been in a relationship, your first fight with your significant other can be a rude awakening, especially if it’s closer to the former than the latter. While arguing in the early stages of a relationship can feel like a dating red flag, especially when it’s about something important, this doesn’t have to be the case. What really matters is how you fight, and what you learn from any fight. In this article, we’ll look at why couples may quarrel early in a relationship and the importance of healthy conflict resolution.
Is it bad to quarrel in the early stages of a relationship?
If you’re wondering, “When did a couple first get into a fight?” “There are no hard and fast rules. However, if you have several in 3 to 5 dates1 or you are arguing every day, then you should probably reconsider the relationship.
That is, every couple fights. Yes, even those who are disgusting in love can give everyone in the neighborhood tooth decay. The point here is that not all battles are created equal. Some quarrels are simple miscommunication, some are opportunities for growth, and still others are signs that the relationship is not destined to last. Your and your partner’s behavior afterwards will tell you what kind of argument it is.
Why do couples quarrel: different ways of communicating
Research shows that there are four main ways to communicate:
- passive (prefer to go with the flow and avoid conflicts),
- aggressive (tends to be dominant, poor listening),
- Passive-aggressive (inability to articulate one’s opinions, and therefore seeking refuge in expressing anger or upset), as well
- Self-confidence (they are calm and able to share their opinions, but do not impose them).
A mismatch in communication styles can make everyone in the couple feel neglected and unappreciated, leading them to argue when trying to get their partner to listen to them. Regardless of your style, you can improve communication with your partner by actively listening, making sure actions and words match, and even going to counseling together.
An early quarrel can mean a good relationship later on
Fighting in the early stages of a relationship can feel like it’s not meant to be, but it’s important to take a step back and see what really happened. As long as your quarrels aren’t frequent and you fight in a respectful and constructive manner, there’s nothing to worry about. On the other hand, if the subsequent rapprochement does not make up for the initial battle, perhaps it is better to look elsewhere. At eHarmony, we’re proud to help you find people who share your values and are looking for the same as you – a serious, long-term relationship. Sign up for eHarmony and take the first step on the road to true love today.
